| Whip Smart: A Memoir |  | Author: Melissa Febos
Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
Category: Book
List Price: $24.99
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Rating:  42 reviews
Sales Rank: 48,473
Media: Hardcover
Pages: 288
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.6 x 1.1
ISBN: 0312561024
Dewey Decimal Number: 818.603
EAN: 9780312561024
Publication Date: March 2, 2010
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Product Description
A dark, wild, powerful memoir about a young woman’s transformation from college student to professional dominatrix While a college student at The New School, Melissa Febos spent four years working as a dominatrix in a midtown dungeon. In poetic, nuanced prose she charts how unchecked risk-taking eventually gave way to a course of self-destruction. But as she recounts crossing over the very boundaries that she set for her own safety, she never plays the victim. In fact, the glory of this memoir is Melissa’s ability to illuminate the strange and powerful truths that she learned as she found her way out of a hell of her own making. Rest assured; the reader will emerge from the journey more or less unscathed.
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Showing reviews 1-5 of 42
 Creative Non Fiction vs Memoir - The contrived "turning point" and rehasing the Feminine Mystique August 27, 2010
crewelmoi
Whip Smart: A MemoirPlot spoiler warning!
I typically do not like or trust memoir as a genre. As a writer/artist, I take issue with the memoir claim that it is "true" or more truthful than creative non fiction. I find the opposite to be true. Memoirs are often times prefaced that they are a retelling of events in a creative way, and are skewed, jumbled, out of time with the actual events, and combine people to make the story more coherent and cohesive. Well, that's creative non fiction. And, memory is faulty. Memory alone creates some of the best non published works.
Memoir is a setup for the contrived "turning point" wherein the protagonist redeems her or himself, typically finds God, and in this case like so many others, finds a good man to make her life complete. I'm not applauding, Febos, you're pandering to get published.
The start of the book was very promising but the language became very bulky/overdone and stuck to that type of writing that I find tedious - telling us, not taking us there to experience it. All those creatively worded sentences seemed to pack a punch - but when I stopped to think about them, break them down, analyze them - they really didn't have any meaning. I know all the big words, but transporting me to an experience is much more powerful. Instead, I felt turned off and I started to really dislike Melissa/Justine. Was that Febos' goal? No, I don't think I can give her that much credit as an author. It is evident that she was instead trying to control and impress us, to be righteous, to be smarter. It was cold and did not further the art.
The story was a familiar tale of the Feminine Mystique. I felt duped into being intrigued and hoping for more, but what I got was a self-victimizing control freak who was obsessed with her relationships with men, her sexuality/being perceived and valued as sexy and powerful, and a painful floundering in abject poverty of love, insight, and self acceptance in order to appear independent.
She made herself out to be a genius. That's the trouble with talking about yourself and writing a "memoir" with a turning point and all the self-discovered resolutions. Lots of women get 3.9 GPAs under extremely adverse conditions (that they did not choose) and with far less resources. I didn't care to keep hearing it over and over. I never saw her struggle with it. We only heard her take it for granted that she would do well. We never went to class with the dayshift domming Melissa. It seemed superfluous, like she was taking the opportunity to be superior, but without proof. To brag. Again, I doubt this was an artistic intention. I was actually happy to hear Melissa got turned down to those first four grad schools. Finally, it seemed, something real. That's real-life. The monotonous job with the horrid office manager and the feeling that there is no end, no way out was more interesting than the should I/shouldn't I leave well enough alone with the dungeon.
As the story neared the end, the text got denser (with less actual meaning), the shared experiences became fewer, and the self congratulatory spirit became more prominent. Melissa found her answers, she turned to a higher power, she got her dream job of teaching and published writer, she lunched with her pregnant ex domme friend, and giggled over fond memories of torturing people. But, the part that made it all terribly impossible for me to embrace was that her happiness, resolve, and purpose hinged on Barrett - that most awesomely different and loving relationship, unlike any other she'd ever had. Really? Shame on you, Febos. It isn't that I wanted Melissa to be unhappy, fail, remain a domme, relapse on cocaine and/or heroin, or divulge more lurid sex tales from the darkness - not at all...well, maybe a bit (the turn of power with Larry was really interesting and I was imagining that perhaps a near death experience as his sub would be the crux of change). I just have to say, if you're gonna contrive a turning point and "make it all worth something", I'd think that as a good writer, an Alumna of a women's college, a self-proclaimed Feminist and intellectual, you wouldn't hinge it all on a neatly-summed-up-suburban-romantic-relationship (all by the ripe age of...what, 29?).
I'd like to edit this book. I'd like to flog it a bit. I wonder if there will be a follow up in about 15 years. That, I would like to read. Perhaps it will be classified as creative non-fiction and we will get more truth, less market-driven schmaltz.
I give it three stars because I did find the opening captivating and promising. Some of the simple sentences were breathtaking. The description of panic (in the ocean) was chilling. And there were other moments when Febos "let go" - where the prose was more experimental, less rigid, fluid, and took me there.
I take two stars away for the pandering drivel, not taking us there (she was dating? she had a live-in bf? what?), heavy use of the words mesmerize/ing and vegetarianism and vestibule (we get it - dungeon/BDSM, OK, OK, OK), the many typos/syntax/improper word choices and convoluted language, and for using "oversize" instead of "oversized".
Whip Smart: A Memoir
A Good Read, but Not Quite Perfection July 12, 2010
Michelle Pinsky (VA USA)
BDSM and its related topics have always interested me, and after reading an interview with the author in Marie Claire magazine, the premise sounded interesting, literate, and promising.
It did not disappoint.
While Marie Claire summarized the book as a memoir of Melissa Febos' life as a dominatrix. While the story is, in its simplest form, that, there is much more to it. Febos' S&M life is merely a side topic--more to keep the reader interested in the plot--than it is really a memoir of self-discovery and overcoming drug addiction. The author's start as a dominatrix is perhaps just an instigator to get the moral ball rolling in her life.
Febos, unlike in many women-oriented memoirs, does not take the pity approach towards her readers. She presents her life in such a way that one realizes she was in total control of her actions and it was her fault, and her fault alone, that led herself into a downward spiral into a world of addiction and drugs as well as the corresponding rise of conquering her fears and problems as well as her self-discovery. Her voice is real, fluid, and candid to the extent that what you find may shock you.
However, despite her Candor, the author does tend to gloss over a few details that I, personally, would have been interested in reading about, such as how she balanced her school life with her work and drug addiction--which is instead only mentioned in the most brief of passages. There is also the sense that the book did not make it past a second editor as occasionally I have found typos or words that made very little sense in the context of the sentence--something I should not be finding after dishing out $17 for a hardback copy.
Despite its flaws, though, Whip Smart was a delightful romp into the author's life as well as a nice insight into the author's emotional mindset at the time. Controversial, edgy, and slightly witty, I would recommend this book as a good rainy day read or when one needs a fresh perspective on life.
Average Book - Better Reads Out There July 5, 2010
MPR (San Jose, CA)
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
I bought this book after hearing Melissa deliver an intriguing, intelligent interview on NPR. While her story is interesting, the book reads like it never made it to an editor. Parts in the book made me want to puke - but they weren't about torturing sex slaves in a dungeon - they were the parts where Melissa waxes philosophical about sexual paradigms in society or dissects every intricate detail of her dinner conversation from a calculated mental perspective. BLEEH. Let's be clear, as the title implies, this book is partly about the author's life as a dominatrix and drug addict (Whip), but equally about Melissa trying to prove to everyone (including the reader) that she is smarter than you (Smart). In the end I struggled to finish this book and would give it a lukewarm recommendation to others.
I found "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star" by Jenna Jameson to be a much better read on a similar topic.
 Whip Me for Buying This Book! June 27, 2010
cmmm
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
I found this book disappointing in that I purchased it based on recommended summer reading. The story was interesting; however, the disjointed presentation was distracting, as was the ego. It was said, "An education can go to ones head without ever making it to the brain!"
 Finally, a Former Sex Worker Who Gets REAL June 9, 2010
J. Jordan (Chicago, IL)
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
I consider myself somewhat of an omnivore when it comes to sex-work memoirs. I read them all: the ones that are leafy vegetation, the ones that have a spattering of meat, and the ones that masquerade as meat. By far, they have fallen into the last category. They take up hours of my time and I am left thinking the same question at the end: So...what were her REAL feelings about all that stuff, anyway? I feel like I just had sex with no orgasm. And we all know how annoying that is.
I'm not saying that some of these writers I'm talking about aren't talented, because they are. But just because you're a talented writer doesn't mean you have something to say. Wordsmiths often know how to use words but they don't really know how to think. I worked as a sex worker myself off and on for over a decade, so I KNOW first hand that this is a hotbed of the human condition and the opportunities for psychological and psycho-sexual analysis are bottomless. Because of what I know, I'm tired of the 'Stripper Memoir' and 'Sex-Worker Memoir' that just doesn't really say anything. Then I read Whip Smart.
I couldn't get enough of Melissa's honesty. I could tell that it took a lot of work and self-reflection for her to get to the point where she really KNEW what she felt about these things that happened...and I think that is exactly what sets her apart from all the others. She has done the introspection. And whatever gave her the strength to then be honest about it to the world is what I would call soul, or guts, or magic. Melissa absolutely has soul, she has guts, and the way that a good book can imprint your life and change you is nothing short of magic. This is a GOOD BOOK. When I finished it I was sad. Like I was saying goodbye to someone I had grown quite fond of; like an experience was ending that I knew - in some small way - was affecting the way I would continue to live my life.
The good news is, Melissa is still alive and well. And I can't wait for her to write another book.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 42
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